The Hardest Goodbye Is The One You Never Wanted To Say

 I've always wondered if letting go is a decision or a thousand tiny choices we have to make everyday. 

Maybe that's why it's so hard

We tell ourselves we've already moves on just to find ourselves rereading old messages, checking on the people we promised ourselves we'd stop thinking about, or we convince ourselves that this time things will be different.  We revisit the friendships that once felt like a home, hoping that enough time will somehow rewrite the ending.

But sometimes you go back.....

 ..... and realize that nothing has changed.

Realizing that you've been holding onto the idea of who they could be instead of accepting the reality of the person they have shown you they really are. 

The same conversations that leave you feeling unheard. The same apologies come without actions. The same people expect the same version of you the one who accepted less than they deserved because they were afraid of losing someone who they thought loved and cared about them. 

And that's the painful part.

Not realizing that they never changed.

Letting go isn't easy because you're not grieving the person. You're grieving the future that you imagined you'd have with them. The inside jokes that won't have new chapters. The traditions that have quietly disappeared. The comfort of having someone to text, even when the conversations weren't making you happy anymore.

 It's strange how loneliness can feel safer than change. 

But one day, without noticing, you will stop reaching for your phone. Their name won't make your heart race anymore. You will laugh without wondering if they'd find it funny. You'll create new memories that won't include them, and somehow the world will keep turning. 

That's when you realize that letting go wasn't losing.

It was making room. 

Room for the new friendships that won't make you question your worth. Room for love that is peaceful instead of confusing. Room for the versions of yourself that is no longer chasing people who keep choosing distance.

The past will always be apart of your story, but it doesn't deserve to write your future. 

And maybe that's the lesson.

Sometimes that closure that we've been begging someone to give us is the closure we have to give ourselves. 

Until next time, 

 XOXO, DIVA